Breakdown... then get tf back up

A lot has changed since the last time I wrote.... a lot. The one constant in life right now is fucking Covid!! Life is a whirlwind and there are never ending challenges that you're forced to overcome, but damn, life is really givin me the middle finger right now. My one solution... wine, wine and more wine, bachelorette with the most perfect gal Tayshia, working my ass out at the gym, exploring my new home, finding new ways to party with my friends and really taking time to focus on myself.

You really think you know someone? Let me tell you something... you don't. No, I am not some cynical fuck who believes every person will screw you over, but I do believe that a lot of people have a closet of secrets and sides to them that are hidden underneath the surface. Secrets and sides that they won't show you in the beginning. God forbid! In the beginning, you're all they want. They'd do absolutely everything for you. Then, as time goes on, they realize they'd rather be that player douchebag that you told yourself you'd never get involved with. When this happens... and believe me at some point in your life, someone who you've put everything into will turn around and give you some bullshit excuse about how it's "me and not you!" You.. being the strong ass bitch you are....while they're spewing out that bullshit, will already be moving on in your head to the next bigger and better thing.

Getting your heart broken sucks... but you know what sucks more? Losing yourself while trying to get someone else to give you everything you've ever wanted. You and I both know that when guys get comfortable, they give up. And when they give up, they look around for the better and hotter option just around the corner. Boys will be boys. When you find a man, you'll know it instantly. Someone who is well-mannered, cares for his family, performs small gestures to make you smile and can appreciate the small things in life.... THAT is a man.

The bright side: you can now focus on you. Focus on getting back to yourself and forgetting the past, focus on your health and gettin that body tanned, fit and ready for that man, focus on your friends and family, focus on work, focus on trying new things with new people and on being truly happy. It ain't easy. You're going to be sad sometimes and that's okay. Journal. Call people. Read. Work. Party. As you can tell, I'm not therapist. I've fucked up too.... many'a times. And this short time alone has already taught me about how I can change to be better in future relationships. Heartbreak is a harsh reality check. It shows you what you don't need while also showing you your own flaws that allowed this to happen. Do guys reflect on shit? I don't fuckin know but if I were to take a wild guess, I'd say no. But as a chick, I'm constantly tryin to do some soul searching to understand why shit went down the way it did.

New shit is on the horizon and for the first time in a while I'm excited. It's hard to get that lil heart beating during Covid but I get giddy when imagining what could come as the new year, aka 2021, aka hopefully a 100000x better year than 2020 approaches. Keep ya posted bitches