Everyone's allowed a "meltdown day"

It's been a little bit since I last wrote. To be honest, I've been a little unmotivated. Now that school is done, I feel no sense of purpose. I know... that sounds weird. Especially because during my high school senior year, I would make any stupid excuse up to skip class. Now, I'm practically begging to be in a class again. This quarantine bullshit is finally making me lose my bananas. So much so that my mom has even created a rule that everyone is allowed at least one "meltdown day" a week. It sounds so fucking stupid but it has made me feel like much less of an idiot when I do break down in tears when looking at a picture of my friends in I in some ratchet frat basement in clothes covered in red jungle juice. I mean, I really miss the little things. The walks down from class when I'd see a freshman hookup or two and every girl from my sorority. I miss the absolutely AWFUL dinners at our cafeteria freshman and sophomore year. I almost said I miss communal bathrooms... but fuck that... I don't miss that shit in the slightest. But never mind the things I miss doing, I miss good ole normalcy.

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Currently, I'm in New Hampshire and the majority of people I've seen are not wearing masks. The second I drive over to mean old Massachusetts every single person is wearing one. I'm fine with that but I feel like I'm always in some weird confused state of mind. Like, I never know what the right thing to do is. For instance, there is a pretty wide walking path on the Cape that my mom and I walk on every day. If a person is on the left side of the trial and another is on the right, there's easily 6 feet between them. Even though this is the case, some people will walk all the way into the woods to distance themselves. That ain't normal! I miss going to the local coffee shop and shootin the shit with the workers who know my order by heart. Anyways, I won't complain about all the things I miss because it's a ridiculously long list.

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So I was watching Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen the other night (what the hell else is new?) and I heard some advice that I've been trying to follow during this crazy time. Andy had guest Karamo Brown from queer eye on (another gay guy I'm absolutely in love with) and he had a nightly routine that he followed in order to get his mind off of what's going on in the world. Two hours before he went to sleep, he'd put his phone in his room and officially stop going on Instagram, Facebook or anything where negative news or posts could pop up. It seems like a stretch for someone like me whose screen time went up 71% the first week in quarantine, but it actually works. Every morning I'll dive right into the bullshit that Daily Mail feeds me and it's usually ridiculously depressing news about the number of deaths or how shitty the job market is. Ultimately, I'd rather watch cute dog videos (like the one right below) or videos of the places I can't wait to travel to once everything is over.

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I know this sucks.... believe me. Being a person who can't sit still for more than 20 minutes, this shit is really hitting hard. But it would be 10x worse if we weren't all going through this together. But we are! And the hour long zoom calls with my friends & family is what is making this whole thing okay. I was finally able to see my grandparents and I've never appreciated time with them more than I did while I was with them. They cried because we suprised them and I realized how much worse it is for them than someone like me who can leave and get a coffee and not live in fear. Anyways... I'm being fucking sappy. I'm looking forward to getting drunk, getting pushed by people on the dance floor, waiting an hour to get into a restaurant, getting my ratty hair done and my long gross nails painted. We've got this people!